I’ve spent so much of the last week and a half adding paragraph upon paragraph to a draft I started post election. Pouring over the words again and again hoping to make something short, sweet, simple out of it to express my distaste for humanity and the glimmer of hope I am clinging to and trying to spark a fire from in others.
Hello, run on sentence, have we met? Clearly.
I’ve had some really wonderful and some rather surprising conversations as a direct result of current affairs. That excites this little infantile part of me that’s been missing conversation about the big things, the big thinks. Dear (possible) lord give me something more to talk about than the god damned weather and whatever shit happened on The Walking Dead this week! Granted, that is coming out of a girl that spends a great deal of her life listening to people talk into cameras on the internet, I get it. We all have our things, beebs.
All I can do, in however many years I have left on this earth is to try to be the best version of myself I can be. I want to experience, I want to learn, I want to grow. What I think makes me so gutted and angry about the current state of things (or at least that these things are given more attention right now) is that so many people don’t want that. So many people are content to be complacent in the world they live in. I want to believe it’s because they are uneducated or inexperienced or simply haven’t been granted the time and luxury that I have to do things on that level (Maslow is real y’all). Maybe? Maybe not? Maybe it is easier for people to just keep following the lifescript. Check off those accomplishment boxes like it really means anything to the earthworms and bumble bees.
I’m a dark ass cynic at heart, and with that it is extra difficult for me to find the silver lining. I so willingly seek the darkest parts of the world seeking to understand. Yet, I am so weak in that regard as well. What I seek to understand wounds me deeply. I cry reading words no one will ever know I’ve read but me. I cry for people I have never met. I cry for places I have never been.
The constant observer.
What these past few weeks have shown me is that I can’t make change by observation. Nut up or shut up, it’s time to do.
Use your words.
Use your voice.
Give your time.
Give your assistance.
Or be nothing.